This is a play that I have not yet read but would like to read sometime in the near future. Read it with me here! The title of this play randomly popped into my mind as random things do and prompted me to look it up. What I gathered is this:
"We should treat all trivial things in life very seriously, and all serious things of life with a sincere and studied triviality." - Oscar Wilde.
I got some valid criticisms about this blog, especially about documenting the triviality about the very serious and, quite frankly, non-trivial institution of work. If my current employer and/or prospective employers were to stumble upon this seemingly harmless blog, my work ethic and their respect for me could be compromised. What concerned me the most was the attitude I was giving off - it may seem demeaning, disrespectful, and unappreciative. But that isn't my aim. My aim is to bring humor to this thing called work that we do.
We all do these things, we develop tactics to pass the work day faster and even though we don't always publicly admit it or document it, we all know it's there. The lull of the work day and that itch deep down somewhere inside of you that is telling you to just drop everything and drive to the beach. It's a point of relation, the coming together of the trivial struggles of the working kind. It's a point of humor - something to smirk about when you're staring at a spreadsheet of cold, emotionless numbers or as you're getting paid to poop.
As for this blog - I'm not too worried about it getting in the way of my future prospects. You just have to do good work and have something to show for at the end of the day - even if it means sacrificing a trip to the toilet.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Maximizing your work day (part II)
Yes, we all wish we could spend the greater portion of our work day in that cozy toilet stall (we all have a favorite), but we absolutely cannot. Besides, it gets lonely in there sometimes and even scrolling through all of hiyorin0207's photos of English bulldog puppies on Instagram won't cure that innate need for contact with the outside world. This brings us to part II of maximizing your work day.
Work the office like a baus.
Just because you work in a gray, barren cell of lost dreams doesn't mean you can't venture out and poke around other gray, barren cells of lost dreams. Through two seconds of wiki-research, I did not find what I was looking for but I did learn that an office of cubicles is aptly named a cube farm. I would like someone to develop Cube Farmville now, please. This cube farm is my playground and I like to walk around it like a baus (especially en route to the bathroom). Here's how you proceed:
1. Email is overrated.
Need to contact someone within your cube farm? Do NOT contact them via email. Instead, walk over to their cube and kindly disrupt their work to relay your message. Linger a bit and comment on what they're wearing or just smile at them. These are all good things.
2. Participate in petty office talk.
Keep at least one ear alert at all times. This means leaving one earbud out while you listen to this (thank you Phil for reintroducing this to my life). The moment you hear others gather to talk about things that don't really matter, zoom over on your rollie chair and participate.
For example:
Instigator: Does anyone have a sweater?
Others: No, sorry.
(you zoom over to location)
You: Neither do I. Why?
Instigator: I have a client from the Philippines and she thought our summers were like theirs. She's really cold!
Others: Oh no that's terrible.
Instigator: Yea, and the A/C in here isn't helping, etcebullshitera.
You: I wonder how hot it is in the Philippines right now.
Others: It must be so warm, etcebullshitera
Conversation continues for another 5 minutes.
If you're lucky, these petty office conversations usually occur about twice during the work day, excluding lunch time. However, sometimes people are really busy for some reason and the day may drone on without a single piece of useless information passing through. This is when you have to be the Instigator.
Work the office like a baus.
Just because you work in a gray, barren cell of lost dreams doesn't mean you can't venture out and poke around other gray, barren cells of lost dreams. Through two seconds of wiki-research, I did not find what I was looking for but I did learn that an office of cubicles is aptly named a cube farm. I would like someone to develop Cube Farmville now, please. This cube farm is my playground and I like to walk around it like a baus (especially en route to the bathroom). Here's how you proceed:
1. Email is overrated.
Need to contact someone within your cube farm? Do NOT contact them via email. Instead, walk over to their cube and kindly disrupt their work to relay your message. Linger a bit and comment on what they're wearing or just smile at them. These are all good things.
2. Participate in petty office talk.
Keep at least one ear alert at all times. This means leaving one earbud out while you listen to this (thank you Phil for reintroducing this to my life). The moment you hear others gather to talk about things that don't really matter, zoom over on your rollie chair and participate.
For example:
Instigator: Does anyone have a sweater?
Others: No, sorry.
(you zoom over to location)
You: Neither do I. Why?
Instigator: I have a client from the Philippines and she thought our summers were like theirs. She's really cold!
Others: Oh no that's terrible.
Instigator: Yea, and the A/C in here isn't helping, etcebullshitera.
You: I wonder how hot it is in the Philippines right now.
Others: It must be so warm, etcebullshitera
Conversation continues for another 5 minutes.
If you're lucky, these petty office conversations usually occur about twice during the work day, excluding lunch time. However, sometimes people are really busy for some reason and the day may drone on without a single piece of useless information passing through. This is when you have to be the Instigator.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Maximizing your work day (part I)
If work for you is intense, busy, and exciting then feel free to navigate away from this page. If not, here are some tips that you should start following to ensure a better work day.
The toilet is your best (if not only) friend at work.
This is an obvious practice that has been in effect for many centuries in offices all across the world. The concept of "getting paid to poop" is an age-old strategy that if you have not yet utilized and are not interested in utilizing, then just leave because everything on this site will hurt you. Anyways, learning how to maximize your time with your bff4l, Toilet, is crucial.
Step 1: Have coffee in the morning.
Coffee poops, enough said. Try to also have breakfast so that you are forced to spend more time on the toilet and less time in that comfortable office chair.
Step 2: Drink lots of water throughout the day.
No one wants you to pee your pants, especially you. So if mother nature says it's time to rain, then let it pour. Use a small water bottle (I have a 12 oz. one from work orientation that I kept) to maximize the amount of trips you have to make to the water cooler. On average, I make about six trips to the water cooler (which unfortunately is right outside of my cubicle) and about four non-poop trips to the bathroom.
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*Fun game for those fortunate enough to have a water cooler located further away from your work station: pretend that you are on an adventure and that you are dying of thirst, figure out all the different routes you can take to get water - once you make it to the water cooler, fill your water bottle, chug it, then refill. If you are feeling particularly dickish, drink out of your bottle as you make your way back to your station and finish before you get there. Turn around and refill.
Step 3: Have a high-fiber lunch.
Try a main course with an exciting side of salad. I have a salad almost everyday at work and I put a lot of exciting things inside like carrots, beans, sunflower seeds, dried cranberries, broccoli, spinach, etc. Your cafeteria's salad bar may have fun surprises everyday (mine does) so be sure to check it out. This high-fiber lunch will ensure a mid-afternoon poop, if not an immediate post-lunch poop.
Stay tuned for part II.
The toilet is your best (if not only) friend at work.
This is an obvious practice that has been in effect for many centuries in offices all across the world. The concept of "getting paid to poop" is an age-old strategy that if you have not yet utilized and are not interested in utilizing, then just leave because everything on this site will hurt you. Anyways, learning how to maximize your time with your bff4l, Toilet, is crucial.
Step 1: Have coffee in the morning.
Coffee poops, enough said. Try to also have breakfast so that you are forced to spend more time on the toilet and less time in that comfortable office chair.
Step 2: Drink lots of water throughout the day.
No one wants you to pee your pants, especially you. So if mother nature says it's time to rain, then let it pour. Use a small water bottle (I have a 12 oz. one from work orientation that I kept) to maximize the amount of trips you have to make to the water cooler. On average, I make about six trips to the water cooler (which unfortunately is right outside of my cubicle) and about four non-poop trips to the bathroom.
.JPG)
*Fun game for those fortunate enough to have a water cooler located further away from your work station: pretend that you are on an adventure and that you are dying of thirst, figure out all the different routes you can take to get water - once you make it to the water cooler, fill your water bottle, chug it, then refill. If you are feeling particularly dickish, drink out of your bottle as you make your way back to your station and finish before you get there. Turn around and refill.
Step 3: Have a high-fiber lunch.
Try a main course with an exciting side of salad. I have a salad almost everyday at work and I put a lot of exciting things inside like carrots, beans, sunflower seeds, dried cranberries, broccoli, spinach, etc. Your cafeteria's salad bar may have fun surprises everyday (mine does) so be sure to check it out. This high-fiber lunch will ensure a mid-afternoon poop, if not an immediate post-lunch poop.
Stay tuned for part II.
On being glamorous
It's been half a year since I had the aspiration to start a blog dedicated to fashion, food, music, and all good things, but have ended up with premature blogs that have at most three posts and ten page views, that all end up being by me from ten different computers. I wanted to be glamorous, I wanted to be a music explorer, I wanted to be a jetsetter, I wanted to be fashiontoast. I tried and I failed, and amidst my second workday poop today I realized why. It is very simple why I cannot be like fashiontoast: 1) I have no money and 2) that is not my life.
What is my life? (A question that those who know me well have become familiar with). Currently, my life is in a cubicle and I am working. "Amanda doing work? LOL" and "Amanda studying? LOL" are both common phrases that float around me and y'know what? i ain't even mad. Because it is true: I am a lazy shit, but more poetically put, I just like to enjoy life.
But alas, we all have to start growing up at some point and I guess my time begins here. I'm only on my third week of work and the things I've learned are pure gold, so now it's only fair that I forcibly impose my knowledge and opinions onto you. Enjoy.
What is my life? (A question that those who know me well have become familiar with). Currently, my life is in a cubicle and I am working. "Amanda doing work? LOL" and "Amanda studying? LOL" are both common phrases that float around me and y'know what? i ain't even mad. Because it is true: I am a lazy shit, but more poetically put, I just like to enjoy life.
But alas, we all have to start growing up at some point and I guess my time begins here. I'm only on my third week of work and the things I've learned are pure gold, so now it's only fair that I forcibly impose my knowledge and opinions onto you. Enjoy.
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